(12)Betrayal Of Trust – The Devastating effects of INCEST,                 in Indian Context. (Note: To Readers sending spammable comments recommending/advertising Viagra, the Aphrodite, in this reference, it is requested to hold these comments till        I write an article on Impotence and Frigidity. They are out of place here, as this article is about the need for Consideration and Control of Sexual Urge by Adults for protection and welfare of Dependent Family members- female and male – , NOT for improving Sex Prowess of Male/ Female Guardians!)

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INTRODUCTION: 

“Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava”! Thus goes the Shloka, which means that the
Mother is God, and Father too is a God, as they procreate and act as nurturers and protectors
Of their children on behalf of God, for God cannot look after all his creation individually and directly. Therefore, all Children are expected to look up to their parents, both mother and father,
as God figures, with respect,and obey them with the implicit trust that parents will always guard
Their welfare, and will Never do any harm to them! This belief is hammered in the mind of everyone
From childhood, and many of us follow that injunction fervently,as we are lucky to have parents who are noble, affectionate and caring, and live up to that exalted image.

INCEST- BETRAYAL OF INNOCENCE :

Unfortunately, though, there are parents who bring children into the World,and become their biological parents, but do not care to look after them and their basic needs. Instead, they exploit them, particularly girls, for their selfish,immediate sexual gratification.              ( I have used the words ‘particularly for girls’,because there are cases of some men sodomising their sons too by force, which I think is, or should also be regarded as a form of rape).

Sadder still, many a father rapes his daughters with impunity and without remorse, as if they are his property, especially among Muslims, who claim that it is allowed by Islam,  and think that as their generator, the  father has the right to do whatever he wants with them, even against their their will, including sex, that is,’ Incest’, (a term used for sexual relation between close blood relatives, whom law does not permit to marry,and hence taboo).

The relations included under this category are those between parent-child,i.e. father-daughter, mother-stepson(this is not really a blood relationship, but can be counted as incest in case of sexual involvement of the two,as they are morally related as mother and son in the eyes of society and religion); direct brother and sister, father’s brother-niece, and father’s brother’s children as part of the extended family with the same ‘Gotra’,viz,descent from a paricular ancient ‘Rishi'(though this is said to be allowed among Muslims),as well as between grandfather /great grandfather – grand/great grand daughter etc.

Mother-own Son incest cases are rare,ESP in Indian Society, for the relationship with the Mother is viewed by most sons as the most sacred among all the blood relationships, and hence, is not violated sexually at least, almost throughout the World.
Also, the mother holds emotional power over her sons, because of which it doesn’t usually happen.( However, I’ve read of a man in Sri Lanka,long ago, who broke the strongest taboo by raping his own 55 yr old mother,perhaps under the influence of liquor, but fortunately, this form of incest is very rare because of the above mentioned reasons.)
As for the mother, her ‘maternal instinct’ prevents her from developing sexual interest in her son/s, whereas there is no evidence of ‘paternal instinct’ among fathers, and the ‘paternal feeling’ many men have for their daughters and sons is because of cultural influence.

These utterly selfish and bestial men have no thought or concern for the devastating effect their lustful act has on the life and mind of the girl or woman ravished by them.
For rape itself, committed by anybody, is a painful and traumatic experience, of the salt of insult rubbed on top of the wound of the injury, but if that atrocity is inflicted by a father,uncle, grandfather or close authority figure,whom girls trust and expect to protect them from outsiders, it becomes even more sordid, heartbreaking and unbearable!

ASPECTS OF INCEST OTHER THAN RAPE:

[There are two other aspects to this relationship of incest, viz.
i) Consensual incest, in which no force is used as in rape, but the relationship starts by subtle seduction, and gradually becomes a habit. Here the danger is of defamation and stigma for the woman, if detected.Also, it may happen, that after some time, one of the partners may become weary of that relationship, as it has to be maintained surreptitiously and is guilt-provoking, and so tries to terminate it.Or one of them might become interested in another,unrelated person outside, whom he/she can marry. At that time, the incestuous partner may not want to let go of the relationship, And Then, Force and/or blackmail may be employed to prevent the other partner from slipping out of his/her hands.
(ii) socially permitted incest- practiced by way of CONSANGUINOUS MARRIAGE between cousins in some Indian communities including Hindus, Muslims, Christians, and as I’ve heard,esp. among Parsis, who are so zealous about keeping their race ‘pure’, that till about 50-60 yrs. back, they strictly forbade interreligious marriages; and even now, do not accept children born of a Parsi woman and non Parsi man, as Parsis ( though they have, however, relaxed that rule now,in respect of their men marrying non Parsi girls, whose children are admitted to Zoroastrianism through the
Initiation ceremony,’ Navjyot’)! Marriage is allowed between the direct maternal uncle and niece (sister’s daughter) too, among Telugu and Tamil (and, as one reader informed me, among some Kanarese) people, as also between the maternal grandfather and granddaughter in some Tamil communities ( Ref.’ Race and Caste in India’ by G.S. Ghurye). These marriages are sanctioned by the society for the people’s convenience,to avoid dowry, horoscope matching, and to maintain the ‘caste purity’- the last factor being more common in migrating communities. These marriages do not damage the couple’s reputation as they have social sanction, but Still, IF SUCH a MARRIAGE is imposed upon a girl AGAINST HER WILL, IT IS nearly as torturesome for the girl as INCESTUOUS RAPE! (And in some cases, for the man also, who may feel pangs of guilt, as though he is committing a SIN!)

Such marriages are also advocated against by medical authorities, as they are conducive to many congenital developmental defects,ESP of the heart, and proneness to hereditary disorders or diseases, in the children born of such marriages. As a doctor, I’ve come across many cases of children with cardiac valve or septal defects, whose parents, on questioning, turned out to be either first cousins, or maternal uncle and niece!

ORIGIN OF THE TABOO ON INCEST:

Some people underestimate the serious implications of clandestine and consensual Incestuous relations by waiving it off as something that has always been happening from the beginning of mankind, of which examples can be found even in holy texts. Though that is a fact that cannot be denied, it must be remembered that consanguineous sexual relations were common in the Early Ages mainly because of sparseness of population, and are not considered desirable by any enlightened and Civilised society in the Present Age! In fact, it was the wisdom of the Humans
of Ancient times that prompted them to take lesson from the fights occurring between brothers over possession of the sister, leading to FRATRICIDE or PATRICIDE, as also from the observation that the children born of close incestuous relations suffered from mysterious and ‘fatal’
HEREDITARY DISORDERS, eg. Hemophilia, a haemorrhagic blood disorder striking many of the male children of the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt, who married their sisters, which was thought to be due to Divine curse ( which IS Nature’s curse indeed), and place a strong Taboo over sexual relations between direct and close blood relatives like parents and children, as well as siblings, living together under one roof, to avoid infighting between the family members in order to ensure firm allegiance and mutual support between them, to strengthen the ties between the members of the family, which is the basic unit of a society, and for improving the health of the progeny, for the overall benefit of the community!

Hence, almost all Religions forbid men to ‘sin against their flesh’,and warn them of severe punishment by condemnation to the’ Fire’ of Hell on violating the ban.
According to Shri Vishnu Maha Purana (Chap.6), a man guilty of sexual relations with his daughter
or daughter-in-law is condemned and consigned to go to the ‘Mahajwaal Narak’
i.e.Hell of Raging Fire’; and the one who Has sex with his sister or Guru-Stree(Teacher’s Wife)
is damned to fall Into ‘Tapta Kumbha Narak’, that is,’Hell of Hot Cauldron’! It’s not known whether this idea of punishment in the ways described above is just a product of imagination of religious authorities, or a fictitious bogey invented by them to keep people from straying morally,
OR whether it was the penalty that was actually imposed upon those who broke the incest taboo,by the ancient Persian priest-kings, the Scythians,who called themselves ‘Devas’ viz. Gods!
For ‘Hell’ itself is supposed to be a subterranean, hot (Volcanic/Plutonian?)region in Ancient Greece, where disobedient and troublesome Titans, I.e. the early, Hamite(Cretan)- mixed gigantic Greeks, Danavas(allied to Hittites?) were confined for punishment by Uranus, identified with Varuna, the earliest God of Vedic Aryans before ‘Agni'(Fire) and Vishnu.
The name ‘ Hell’ seems to be derived from ‘Helios’, Greek name for Sun, and refers to a place of extreme or infernal heat of the Sun in the Mediterranean region of Greece ( Greece too seems to be a derivative of the Sanskrit word ‘ Greeshma’, meaning’Hot’.)

I learnt from a documentary feature on India TV channel, some time back, about a city in the Fars Province of ancient South West Persia/Iran viz.Persepolis (Capital of Persia), also called
‘Takht-e-Jamshid’, after Jamshid, the first, probably mythical, Achaemenian King and ruler of Iran.(The earlier capital of the previous Magian Priest kings of Media, Northern Persia, was at Susa(Biblical Shushan=Sumerian ‘Wind King’), said to have been founded by the Sumerian kings in the 4th century BC.The picture in that feature was of a dark room, presumably a sepulcher or tomb, at the top of a flight of stairs amidst surroundings looking like an isolated cemetery with pillars.It was said in the same feature that there was a belief among the local people that one could see ‘Death’ (Jamshid=Jamraj,Lord of Death,or actually a Hangman?) if one climbed the stairs and glanced inside the room or cabin. This means that almost all the legendary places and rules are man made! The Buffalo, vehicle of Yama is the Demon Mahishasura,slain by Durga!

However, this is a different aspect of Incest altogether.

INCESTUOUS RAPE:

What is truly and more disturbing, obnoxious and saddening,however,is the evil of Incestuous Rape, committed on girls and women, and also on some boys, against their will ! For the tragic effects of it on the victims are manifold. More so, because most of the victims of such excess are very young,dependent and helpless, either to protect themselves or to complain against the abuse, being usually minors and teenagers.

The fear of social stigma on exposure and family pressure to refrain from reporting the matter to the police and lodging an FIR against the father or whoever is the abusive family member,in the name of family honour and loyalty, is a major reason for many of these cases to go unreported. Still, from whatever information is there with crime experts, it is said that 1 out of 4 cases of rape occur in the National capital, out of which, a shocking 94.9% are at the hands of persons known to the victim, like family friends,neighbours, servants, teachers, AND Relatives- direct, close and distant,esp. in Maharashtra, particularly Mumbai, Rajasthan and Chhattisgarh, though exact figures are not known because of the scanty reporting of such cases, and that there is 30.7% rise in the cases of incestuous rape from 2008 to 2009! Out of the reported cases, 2% rapes are committed by the father, while 7.3% are at the hands of brothers, cousins, grandfathers,and other relatives.

DEVASTATIONS OF INCESTUOUS RAPE:

(1) There are many victims who commit SUICIDE because of the humiliation,shock, depression and despair due to the abuse, particularly girls who get pregnant;
(2) some girls are KILLED by their violators and the girls mothers,on the spot, or on their becoming pregnant, to prevent other people from coming to know about their crime.
(3)Many girls develop hysterical seizures, and a number of them lose their mental balance totally,
if they conceive as the result of the rape.
(4)Still other victims become drug addicts, runaways from home and juvenile delinquents.
Some become precociously seductive, and may take to prostitution, while Boys who are sodomised are more likely to become drug addicts,delinquents and rapists themselves!
(5)The problems relating to THE CHILDREN BORN OF THE RAPE, because of social stigma attached to the mother and child by both men and women,are very serious, not only for the girls raped, but also for the children born of the sexual assaults (or of consensual sex), as they are either KILLED immediately after birth, OR abandoned by being DUMPED INTO ORPHANAGES / GARBAGE BINS, without exception.
(5b) And in several of those cases where the CHILD is not abandoned, the boy or girl has been known to have committed SUICIDE due to shame or mortification, and self- loathing, when he/she comes to know and understand the true fact of his/ her descent!
(6)A number of girls sexually abused by relatives before marriage develop the problem of FRIGIDITY, and have difficulty in consummating their union with their marriage partner and achieving orgasm after marriage, if they do manage to get married.
(7)Correspondingly, men who have been sodomised by the father or any other relative,
Before marriage, may suffer from psychological IMPOTENCE and find it difficult to maintain an erection during normal sex with their wives.

(8)When I was young, news about cases of incestuous rape did occasionally come to my ears and shock me. One such CASE HISTORY was told to me by my mother about a 15/16 year old girl studying with her during the first year in college, who was ruined by being raped by her father after she was engaged to be married. It seems that the girl had lost her mother at an early age and was brought up by her maternal grandparents and maternal uncle and aunt at Parel in Mumbai, as her father was staying alone and working in Indore, and was not in a position to bring her up.When the girl was studying in college, her grandparents got her engaged to be married, and informed her father about it. Soon after learning that, her father sent a telegram to his father-in-law to send the girl to Indore as he had a better groom in mind for his daughter. The girl’s grandparents naturally sent her to him unsuspectingly. The proposed groom came and saw the girl at her father’s house that evening as planned,and gave his assent for the alliance. However, that same night, the girl’s father became overcome with lust, and raped her mercilessly! After that, he sent her back to Mumbai, telling his daughter not to tell anybody about what had happened between them.

However,the girl became pregnant, and her Maternal Uncle’s Wife, on coming to know about it, went to the house of the groom already fixed for her in Mumbai, and brokeup the betrothalimmediately, instead of getting her married at the earliest ‘Muhurta'(auspicious day), after taking her to a trustworthy obstetrician to get Medical Termination of Pregnancy done quietly and immediately,as she would have done for her own daughter.

(I learnt that the girl’s maternal grandmother did not want her to be taken to a doctor,fearing that the doctor would come to know about the fact, and tell others.Perhaps, that was the reason why the aunt broke off the marriage, as the family of the groom fixed for the girl may be some close friends of hers, and she may have thought it would be like cheating to let the marriage go through without the girl undergoing an MTP. Still, I’m sure that she might have done something better if it had happened to her own daughter. She could have broken up the marriage by giving a plausible reason that the girl’s father was not agreeable to the marriage as he wanted to fix her marriage with some other boy, and then taken her to Pandharpur to dispose off the problem.
Even after that, the girl would or wouldn’t have been able to get married, but perhaps, she might have been able to pursue her education and a career at least, and not become a total outcaste! This is one of the evils of the patriarchal family system- the lack of mutual allegiance and loyalty between the female members of the family, as they come from different families by marriage, and are not related by blood.)

Of course,MTP was not legal then, in 1928-9, even for rape, and was allowed only if the woman’s life was in danger, but still, in tragic cases as these, some doctors were doing it out of pity, by making use of some acceptable clause in the law, but she was not taken to a doctor because of the grandmother’s apprehensions.

The result was that the poor girl was totally ruined, for after her case became public, she could not even continue her education and pursue a career, forget about getting married, and the innocent baby girl born to her had to be left as a newborn infant at the doorstep of an orphanage in Pandharpur,where she had been taken for her delivery, by her family members(and not by the supposedly ‘selfish, wanton and heartless’ unwed mother as depicted in films, newspapers and internet media), to avoid a scandal within their social circle in Mumbai! All the same, the family shifted its residence to Santa Cruz thereafter, to avoid embarassment for the whole family on that account.

The Lord of Death must have given the unfortunate,star-crossed girl deliverance from the
‘Well and Hell’ of isolation and stifling confinement to the house by now! I shudder to think of how she may have dragged on her life till then. As to her abandoned daughter, she too may be nearly 84 yrs. old now, if she is still living. As she had been deserted at her birth to grow up as an orphan in an orphanage, one can very well imagine the type of life she must have had to live, and Her children, male and/or female, if she has any, who may also be in their early sixties now, and Their
Progeny ! This means that, that incestuous father has ruined, damned and ‘wiped out’ the social identity and status ‘of his entire posterity’/line of descendants upto the 6th/7th generation,who may have been born and living in anonymity somewhere (his ‘ Vansh’), male and female, by raping his only child just for his momentary satisfaction e done som, Unless any of them was lucky enough to be adopted by some good and kind family! Can there be anyone more wicked and wretched (Karamjala/Karmadaridri) than such a beastly man? The only good thing that happened IN THAT CASE was that, because society was very strict at that time,ESP.in cases of incest, THAT LECHEROUS FATHER had to FACE a lot of SOCIAL IRE AND BOYCOTT!

The case had shocked and moved me greatly, as I was quite young then, and that
was the first time I was hearing about such a case, but such incidents were very infrequent then, so I used to draw solace and confidence from the assurance that horrible acts as these,committed by the father or by other directly related men, are rare, and are committed by some perverted people; but that our father, uncles,grandfathers were all noble and exemplary men, so that there was no need for me to brood over, and get too upset by thinking about those terrible cases.

Nevertheless, I did feel bad for that girl and other hapless girl/s like her, whose entire life was unjustly spoilt because of the sexual encounter, In which her fault was only that she was a girl,and placed trust in her father,as she was taught to do, but who turned out to be the main Malefic Star in her fate! This case is a perfect example of the saying,’ Aurat Teri Yehi Kahaani’! It made me wonder- What is a Woman? Just a sex object for catering to the carnal needs of men,and a breeding machine to bring forth and raise their children? Or is she worth anything more than that? What is the value of a woman’s life and wellbeing, and how much is her security in this male- oriented society? If anyone had written a novel with this title, based on stories of exploited girls or women like these(reminiscent of Vladimir Nabokov’s famous novel ‘Lolita’), and presented a girl’s father as the chief villain in her life, that would have led to an intense social outrage in this country against the book, which wouldn’t have been banned for blasphemy in those times! (It is necessary to clarify however, that the poor,betrayed girl mentioned above did not become precociously seductive like Lolita, because of the pressure of Indian society, and bore her suffering in silence and isolation!)

Now, however, more and more incest cases come to light every day, thanks to the modern media. There was a 30.7% rise of such cases in India, in 2009 as compared to 2008, of men who rape their innocent daughter/s ruthlessly, and in some cases, murder them thereafter to prevent the poor girl from reporting the matter to anyone! They have no consideration even for minors or tiny tots,who are born of their own flesh and blood, nor for the feelings of their wife, so this sort of exploitation is a serious threat to the bond of love and trust between family members,which is needed to be preserved to keep a family together for mutual care and protection. The danger of utter loss of love, trust and mutual allegiance between family members is becoming more because of the progressive rise in the cases of incest in families. In fact, the statistics of rape cases indicate that nearly as many cases of rape occur within the home, as outside- at the hands of unrelated people, and that a significant number of domestic rapes are incestuous! Many cases of incestuous rape have been reported from Indore recently too, so that the city has come to seem like an ‘In(cest)door’ to me!

The fact of this ‘hanging sword’ of sexual exploitation of dependent girls and some boys at the hands of their own ‘so called ‘protectors, coupled with their liability to the abuse, and helplessness before it, became so painful to me – almost like a ‘thorn in the flesh’, by virtue of being a girl, that many years back,I wrote a Letter to the Editor of ‘Eve’s Weekly’, a leading Women’s Magazine at that time, asking her for advice,as to what I could do to help control this Demon named Incest,in India at least, if not throughout the World, as I feel very distressed on account of it, and she replied that -“Rape itself is a very distressing phenomenon, what to speak of incestuous rape? However,
it would be of more use if, instead of ‘Conjuring Up’ unpleasant images of that phenomenon, something more positive is done to aid the cause, by spreading awareness and sensitivity towards the matter in our society, and suggesting ways in which the hidden sexual exploitation and suffocating torture of girls within the four walls of the home could be halted or curbed”, if I felt so sorry for them.

I pondered over her counsel and felt that writing about the scourge to make our society aware of it, and more sensitive towards the plight of the victims of such abuse was one way to get about dealing with it. I therefore wrote and sent an article on the topic,’All In The Family’, to The ‘Illustrated Weekly Of India’, and the Editor of the magazine had published it then(1975).

In this article, besides attempting to raise awareness and sensitivity of our society towards the fate of girls or direct victims of the abuse, and other aspects of this delicate and distressing problem,
I have also tried to emphasize that MEN AND SOCIETY SHOULD NOT COMPARTMENTALISE/ CATEGORIZE THE INCEST PHENOMENON AS just “one of those things that some men do in a moment of ‘weakness’, and happen to some girls or women as an unfortunate, but not always avoidable, part of being born as females,I.e. A FEMININE PROBLEM ONLY,which men can afford to be complacent about and turn a blind eye to, as not affecting themselves,” because at some point or the other,it does disturb the life of Males in the society also, eg. that of the male children born of such offenses;for a woman is not the progenitor of females alone, but of males too! In some cases, a man may rape the daughter of his brother or sister, and cause immense grief and mortification to his siblings besides ruining the girl herself, and often to his own mother too, thus shattering the entire family atmosphere, as well as undermining the status of all the members of the family in society!

A UNIVERSAL PHENOMENON:

At this point,it is necessary to acknowledge that the menace of Incest is not limited to India,and the abuse is also known to happen in other countries, as for example, the case of the Austrian father, who had made a sexual slave of his daughter since thirty years, and was forcing her to bear his children, arrested and serving a life sentence now.While the torture of the abuse is the same everywhere, what makes such cases more poignant and tragic in India is the harsh attitude of Indian society towards rape victims- of castigating and isolating them instead of their exploiters from society, than trying t rehabilitate them, adding insult to Injury!

CAUSATIVE FACTORS:

(1)Usually, the incident occurs because of uncontrolled LUST,when an older MAN, often but not always widowed, is living ALONE WITH a FEMALE relative (usually a dependent, defenseless minor- quite often his daughter, over whom he has complete POWER), and feels the urge, esp. under the influence of ALCOHOL and INTOXICATING DRUGS. The desire for POSSESSION or holding on and keeping a daughter or niece, sister or cousin with himself, is also a driving factor behind many such cases.
The EASY AND READY AVAILABILITY, along with LESSER DANGER OF being suspected or detected by society, or BEING EXPOSED by the victim and losing face in these cases that remain hidden within the four walls of the house because of the dependent position of the girl, as also the SAVING on EXPENDITURE that would be involved in going to a Callgirl for immediate sexual satisfaction, are other contributory factors.

In some cases, such yearnings arise due to youngsters staying in small houses, seeing married couples in cohabitation, and naturally turning to Girls living in the same house, like sisters or nieces, or the daughters of neighbours and maid servants, for immediate release of their biological tension.

Some authors state that the men who rape the dependent girls in his own family, particularly minors, are actually men who are unsure of their appeal and virility, or standing as males before adult women, especially outsiders, and are ‘pedophiles’ and cowards with a ‘shaky ego’ and low self-esteem. In some cases, that does seem to be a factor, as I have heard of a man in our vicinity who was notorious and scorned for his reputation of trying to take undue Sexual Liberty with every female that came his way, including his sister’s daughter and cousin’s wife. Later, it was learnt that he had become like that after he developed a significant degree of lameness in one leg following an attack of Polio, because of which his father started expressing doubt openly about whether his son was sexually potent or virile enough to get him married, and wanted to take him to a doctor to confirm his potency before looking for a bride for him. However, some days thereafter, the father found him in a compromising position with his sister in law, and was stunned beyond any further words, not to speak of getting a medical checkup done on him!
It is not always that such men are social recluses and loners by nature. The man mentioned above was instead imposing and affected in his talk and bearing.

It is mentioned in Maharshi Ved Vyas composed ‘Shri Shiv Maha Purana’ that the ancient Rishi Maharshi Ved Vyas is said to have advised his disciple Rishi Jaimini that “The Senses are very powerful; they draw even a’Mahapandit’, (Eminent Scholar) in their snare. Therefore, a Family Man (Gruhasth) of young age, should avoid being alone, except in emergency situation, with any young and nubile woman of marriageable age, including one’s own mother, sister and daughter, to avoid temptation!”
Baba Ramdev also advocates the same dictum for those who have taken the vow of celibacy and become Sadhus or Monks.
It all boils down to one Universal and Eternal Truth that the Sex instinct, ‘Kama’ or Cupid (Kandarpa) is extremely powerful and treacherous, and hence, should never be trusted by anyone, whether in oneself or any other person, including the learned or scholarly!

A case has recently come to light of a man in Rajasthan who was raping the elder two of his five daughters, one of them even after her marriage, and preventing them from complaining by threatening them of abusing their younger sister too if they told anyone! The mother of the girls remained a silent and helpless spectator because of the dependent position of the Indian housewife in a home where the man is the sole breadwinner, and also due to to fear of social stigma on exposure. The complaint was lodged Ultimately by one of the two girls,when her father tried to molest her three year old daughter.

Just two days back, another man was arrested in MP for raping his 15 yr old daughter, and yet another in the National Capital!

The most outrageous case is the recent case of a 65 year old great grandfather who raped his 4 yr old great granddaughter,when he had gone to her house, by taking her to another room!

(2) Then there are men who rape their daughter because of dissatisfaction or anger towards their wife, or a desire to take REVENGE on her for whatever reason, as in a case reported some days back of a man who raped his three year old daughter because his wife refused to have sex with him one day!
Still more shocking and enraging was the case that I read about, some 18 years back, about a man named Satya Prakash Yadav,said to be a cousin of Mulayam Singh Yadav, staying in Mumbai, who raped and killed his 7yr.old minor daughter Ruchi, put her body inside a suitcase, threw the suitcase near the workplace of his neighbour, and then lodged an FIR against that neighbour, of having abducted and murdered his daughter, to take REVENGE on the latter for having complained to the police some time earlier, about Yadav having molested his sister, due to which he had to be in police custody for some days! It was learnt that this Satya Prakash Yadav was sentenced to some years’imprisonment for his crime. By now, he must have completed the sentence and come out of jail.

(3)Then there are instances, where many a man is learnt to have deliberately abused his daughter sexually, with the mean and heinous intention of introducing her to IMMORAL TRAFFIC and using her for making money at her cost!

What do these men think of girls? As only sex objects? Or sex slaves? Do they not have any real fatherly love even for their own child, instead of lust? Where can the poor girls,who’re economically dependent on them,go for protection and for their livelihood?

(4) It is not known if the incestuous strivings of some fathers towards their daughters, and brothers towards sisters or sisters-in -law, has its basis in an ‘UNRESOLVED OEDIPUS COMPLEX’which is subverted and ‘acted out’through incest, wherein the daughter/sister/sister-in-law somehow becomes a substitute for the Mother figure. Possibly, such men have lost their mother or separated from her early in life (or they do not have a good ‘father image’ to identify with, as in cases, where the father himself is an alcoholic and abuser of his wife and children). The psychology behind this is similar to that of men marrying women considerably older than them.

In the actual Greek legend, Oedipus was a King who had been separated from his mother since his childhood, because of the prophesy of an Oracle that he would kill his father and marry his mother on growing up, due to which, he grew up without knowing her identity.
Hence, as was customary in old times, when he conquered another kingdom
on attaining youth, he married the Queen of the slain King, only to find out through reliable sources that the King whom he had assassinated was his father, and the woman he had married was his own mother! So the prophesied sacrilege did get committed, howbeit unknowingly, by Oedipus. Therefore, he was so filled with remorse and self- mortification on learning the truth that he blinded himself to atone for his unknowingly committed ‘Sin’ !

In some other cases, the men have a ‘problem in identifying with the father’, owing to a feeling of being inferior or powerless before him, or due to personality or ideological differences.
That the Unresolved Oedipus Complex definitely plays a part in cases of incest, is brought out in its unveiled form, vide a recent case of a 25- year old man of Kerala, who had been raping his mother since some time. His father is an Alcoholic and is unable to curb him, because of which there used to be frequent commotion in their house. Finally, the neighbours complained to the police and got the son arrested.

In some cases, the parent of the same sex acts as an ‘active participant’
in the Oedipal Triangle, to shift her conjugal duties onto the daughter, as Susan Forward, author of the book,’ Betrayal of Innocence – Incest and it’s Devastations’ has brought out.

This phenomenon is a matter for intense psychosexological research.
As regards the unconscious psychosexual striving to possess, that boys and girls, in turn, develop towards the parent(or parent figure) of the opposite sex, from the age of 3 years, it stirs up a psychologically repressed and unconscious but powerful emotional conflict. This is generally resolved
in normal cases by the boys identifying with their father, and girls with their mothers, by the age of 8 years, thus getting the approval of their parents. This phenomenon is acknowledged and named as the ‘Oedipus Complex’
in the case of boys (and ‘ Electra Complex’ in the case of girls), and is
a Normal phase in everyone’s life as a part of psychosexual development.
The Oedipus Complex becomes a problem or ‘Fixation’ only if the conflict continues to adulthood due to inability to resolve the conflict by the normal age of around 8years, so that the person tends to ‘regress ‘ to the phase of that initial conflict emotionally, when faced with a similar conflict- producing situation in adult life.

(5)Further, though not all may agree with this, and which cannot be said to be the main cause, the Type of films and literature being propagated nowadays, as well as some of the so-called ‘Reality Shows’ like ‘Bigg Boss’,
are so vulgar and low class that they spoil men’s view of females as merely sex objects, except of course of mature,well- bred men, who have minds of their own and are not swayed by such cheap art.
(6)Some men commit rape on minor daughter or niece under the mistaken belief that Sex With a minor Virgin Cures Sexually Transmitted Diseases!
(7) There are also many cases coming to light, where a girl is raped by her father and brother, on the advice of a ‘Tantrik’,and the girl’s mother knows about it, yet supports it, because of superstition!
(8) Finally, the fast changing style of family and social life, from the closely knit, Joint family with more than one adult female, especially One who can wield power over the males, like the grandmother, to the Unit family system,
And from the gregarious Chawls and row type houses to independent, closed-in flats/blocks and isolated bungalows, takes off the watch and inhibitory control that other members of the family and neighbours could have over the behaviour of individuals with incestuous or other violent tendencies, in the earlier, clustered, mutually supportive type of family
and housing system.
(9) Widowers and divorced men who have not been able to remarry, or chosen not to remarry for some reason, are also a big risk-factor for
their dependent female relatives.
In houses with such men, it is desirable that there should be some elderly person/s, preferably Old women who have some authority and control over
them in the house.

Whatever the reason, the ultimate result is sexual exploitation of women and girls, including babies in the cradle!

Disgusting are such men, and their female sycophants, who jump to their side immediately, voicing the hackneyed male chauvinistic jargon of “Men will always be Men”, or ” It happens. Even Vishwamitra could not control his passion and impregnated Menaka the celestial nymph; then this man is just an ordinary human being”, whenever such an incident occurs, and discussion on this issue starts. The real reason is their false sense of obligation towards men for bringing them their ‘Daily Bread’, even if ‘That Bread’ may be being earned at the cost of the Honour or ‘Izzat’ of someone else’s ‘Bahu Beti’, or of their own child, as done by rapist fathers, and pimps running a prostitution racket!
( Actually, men who are decent and law-abiding should demand an answer from these silly, blind and slavish supporters of ravenous, unscrupulous men, whether they consider them, the former sort of men ‘less manly’, because they don’t flaunt their ‘Manhood’ through Rape!)

And Yet, some Women’s Organisations in India make an unrealistic issue of Female Foeticide,and appeal to our society not to resort to it, but shout,’Give the Girl Child the Right To Be Born’, which makes me very indignant! Why should mothers bear the 9- months discomfort of pregnancy and pain of delivery to bring forth girls into this world to live in the sick and rotten,male oriented, male dominated patriarchal family,and raise them with love and care ?For the human male wolves around to rape and kill? What about the Girl Child’s right to live as a secure and honourable human being ‘After her birth’? The Women’s Organisations are not able to protect the rights of the little girls who are being raped by their own kith and kin,in some cases, even infants who have not yet learnt to walk or talk! First, the safety of girls already born should be ensured, which is NOT being done with due seriousness by our Police and Law at present. Till then, it will be a vain effort to confiscate Ultra Sound Sonography equipments and close down clinics to compel people to let girls be born till our men and society learn to value girls as fellow humans, rather than as Sex Objects. On one hand, they want a ‘pure’ bride for marriage, and on the other, go about raping girls as though it is a sport!

It appears that THE CUSTOM OF CHILD MARRIAGE CAME INTO EXISTENCE BECAUSE OF SUCH INCIDENTS !

EFFECT OF INCEST ON THE FAMILY AS A WHOLE:

Besides ruining the girls raped or exploited by seduction,the depraved and totally bizarre, perverted behaviour and unexpected assault by the father or uncle, viz. the chief elder of the family, has an extremely distressing and aggravating effect on the other family members too, leading to intense fear and insecurity as also rage in the minds of all of them, and provokes violence between them in numerous cases, for sex is a very powerful emotion. Thus, there have been instances of the brother of the victim killing the father,or whoever is the exploitative and oppressive guardian, following an act of incest,or incestuous rape inside the home! On the other hand, it also happens that one Man’s breaking the taboo encourages other males of the family to do the same. In other words, the atmosphere, harmony and integrity of the family is absolutely disrupted and vitiated by the unbridled lust of the offending elder or family member!

CONCLUSION:

Hence, it has become very serious and distressing social problem, which requires immediate attention by both legal,and social authorities, by prompt,strict measures to curb the menace by Firm control and sufficiently severe PUNISHMENT OF THE INCESTUOUS RAPISTS BY LAW, more than what is provided under the Indian Criminal Penal Code at present for incestuous sexual abuse, accompanied by stern expression of disapproval, contempt and boycott by society of the sexual offenders for the despicable betrayal of their own protégés, INSTEAD OF STIGMATISING THE VICTIM! Murder is considered a grave crime by law, because it takes away a person’s life, which it cannot confer back. The same holds true for a person’s,especially, a girl’s Honour, which is as or more vital and fragile in India, and robbing a girl of it should be punished as being nearly as Big a Crime as murder!

However, the main difficulty in getting the perpetrators of incestuous crimes punished by Law is that the Rapist is the Head and principal breadwinner of his family, and exposing him spoils not only his own social prestige, but also of his victim,and of the whole family, and creates problems of livelihood for all the members, unless the wife or mother of the girl is educated and self reliant.
Therefore, such cases rarely come to the police for lodging an FIR, unless the victim sustains grievous injury, demanding her hospitalization, Or dies! (as in the case of Aarushi Talwar)?

Hence, a more practical and delicate approach in many cases is SEPARATION, by arranging to send the targeted and exploited girls to stay with some other more responsible relative or authority like a boarding school, who can take the responsibility of looking after them, or transfer them to protective government homes like the Nari Saurakshan Gruha. And the MAN can sometimes be restrained better by SOCIAL rather than legal FORCE, by bringing psychological pressure by other powerful and influential relatives of the FAMILY, if they can be persuaded to intervene confidentially, and by society,on the man to curb himself, Or face social censure and boycott or castigation from society (rather than his victim)!

Besides this,girls should be taught to differentiate between a ‘good’ and ‘bad’ touch; and also,if they sense something amiss or wrong with the behavior of anyone, even of the father,brother or anyone,should be encouraged to bring it to the notice of the mother or other elderly female,say, grandmother or aunt immdiately; and they too should take her seriously instead of scolding and suppressing her,telling her not to ‘imagine nonsense’!

Then they should take the help of some trustworthy family member or friend,or FAMILY/SOCIAL COUNSELLOR to deal with the issue,preferably by segregation in time, and placing her under a protective authority, before the Worst happens, or gets repeated, and also for the social and psychological rehabilitation of the rape victim.

In whatever way,this scourge has to be controlled at the earliest.
Otherwise, the sanctity and social trust in the relationship of parent and child;
the character of youngsters and the future generation, as well as the safety and wellbeing of our girls and women;
the glory of Indian Culture, which boasts about the purity of its women, like Seeta;
as also the solidarity of the institution of the Family, which has been established by humans since the beginning of civilization to provide mutual care and protection to its members, and is based on mutual trust, will be torn to shreds and tainted irrevocably!

(I would go so far as recommending that in cases where the incestuous relationship leads to pregnancy, Medical Termination of Pregnancy-MTP, wherever possible without danger to the girl’s life, should be carried out ‘compulsorily’ as a part of the physical and mental rehabilitation
of the victim.

Recently, I read that the Roman Catholic Church has introduced and permitted the administration of ‘ Immediately- after’ contraceptive pills for cases of rape, which in my opinion, is Better than MTP, wherever possible, in keeping with the dictum ‘Prevention is better than Cure’, and avoids additional suffering to the already traumatized victim of incestuous rape! However, such pills may not be easily available everywhere within the limited period of 24-72 hours after the incident, but arrangements can be made to make them available wherever needed, if there is a universal agreement on their use.

Where such ‘immediately -after’ pills are not easily available, it may perhaps help to prevent pregnancy in unmarried girls who have attained puberty,
by administering or taking contraceptive pills regularly, as done by married women for birth control without waiting for consensual or forced sex to occur, so that if any sexual assault occurs, at least the case will not be complicated by conception.

In India, actually, the blood and domestic relations of a man are supposed to be sacred and precious for him, no matter what kind of a man he may be, because of which it is customary in our society to ask a man molesting or eve-teasing girls outside his home, ” Kya Tere Ghar mein Maa-Behen, Bahu-Betiyan nahi hai?” And to call a man ‘Behenchor’ is a highly insulting word, which leads any man with respect for his blood relations as sacred, to rise up in anger for a fight !
But what would a man used to committing rape on the girls/women in his family say to that? That
” Hai to sahi, par main Apni Behen-Betiyonki ki izzat ko bhi nahi bakshta, to phir baharki auraton ka class hi kya hai?”(“Who are the girls/women outside my family to me, if I don’t spare
my own blood?”) That means that such men’s outlook towards women in general becomes warped and callous!)

Thus the Indian Patriarchal Family will become notorious as the World’s Most Dangerous Place for young, dependent Girls, women(and even dependent boys) To Live In, instead of being cherished as a safe ‘nest’ or ‘haven’ for them, just as India as a Nation has already fallen to disrepute as beIng ‘The Fourth Worst Country In The World To Be Born In as a Woman’!

As the Family is the basic and vital unit and pillar of every Society, particularly in India, ‘undermining/breakdown of family’ system will ‘crack up society’ into mere ‘communes’or groups of self seeking individuals, as among animals, like it used to be among humans before civilization knit them together into mutually caring bonds, that is, back to Square One,UNLESS this rising,sinister trend to ravish and destroy one’s own flesh irrevocably for the immediate individual sexual gratification of men,viz. INCEST- creeping insidiously in a considerable number of our men nowadays, Corroding the Character and Morale of Indian People and Society,
IS FIRMLY RESTRAINED in time by our Legal and Social authorities jointly!

Indian Society should realise that by taking the requisite corrective steps against
incestuous rape promptly, it is not going to be doling out any charity or favour to the female section of its population, for it would be saving itself too thereby, from early ruin or collapse!

At the end, it would not be out of place to add that the reason for Nature to have made humans
Unisexual as males or females, unlike the lower animals, many of whom are bisexual and capable of self- fertilization and virgin births is to enable a living being to weed out weak and defective genes by healthier and stronger genes from the partner by the process of natural selection,
because of which hereditary disorders in any of the partners are filtered out, to produce healthy progeny. Without sexual differentiation, there would have been no opportunity for a mammal or human being to prevent recessive or dominant defective genes from passing down to its offspring. That is also the reason, as said before, for consanguineous marriages to be dis favored by many communities, because of the proneness of recessive defective genes common to both partners to become dominant and manifest themselves in the form of birth defects of hereditary disorders/disease.The risk of defective progeny is increased in pregnancy resulting from incest between direct relatives.

So, if unchecked, the Scourge of Incest will Defeat Nature’s Basic Purpose and Plan
for differentiation of Sexes among Humans and Higher Mammals, viz. Improvement Of The Race,
(Not Sensual Pleasure, and Certainly Not Abuse or ‘Sinning Against One’s Flesh’),
and will Undermine the Quality of the Human Race – (supposedly) Nature’s Best Creation !

Till this Big and Ultimate Truth dawns’ on People all over the World however,
we can only pray, “Forgive Them My Lord, For They Know Not What They Do” !

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24 responses »

  1. Thank you for writing about issues:

    Solutions: Satyamev Jayate: Child Sexual Abuse Episode 02: Break The Silence
    URL: http://www.satyamevjayate.in/issue02/

    Impact:
    1) 100+ marriage proposals for a brave, talented lady: http://www.hindustantimes.com/Entertainment/Television/Satyamev-Jayate-creates-two-stars/Article1-857775.aspx

    Solutions: There is an website developed by IITian for speaking up/outlet for victims…Unfortunately, I don’t remember it now. If you know about it…please post it.

  2. Dear Madam Ushaji, In Andhra Pradesh (minus Telengana), the marriages between a man and his sister’s daughter are now almost extinct. The other marriages between cross cousins (children of a man and children of his sister) are still prevalent and are NOT incest, it is called ‘Menarikam’. It may please be noted a two way ‘Menarikam’ marriages are rare. Children of parallel cousins (children of a man and his brother or children of a woman and her sister). There is no conclusive medical evidence children of ‘Menarikam’ marriage are in in any way abnormal health-wise. The situation in Telengana and Karnataka probably is same.

    • My focus was on Incestuous Rape, which is undeniably abhorrent, rather than on Incest per se, which includes consensual incest and consanguineous marriages (which are a socially accepted form of consensual incest) though they too have their negative effects; but those engaged in this latter type of incest don’t admit it.

  3. The author apparently treats abuse and incest as being one and the same, But both are completely different. Incest is purely consensual in 99% of cases. Mother-son incest is also very very common all over the world. The only difference is – fathers can force themselves on daughters and mothers (being women) can not do it on their sons. So when a daughter resists it makes news because she runs to others for cover. But a son simply chooses to ignore his mother if he does not like the idea and he keeps the secret of her advances within himself for ever. This is the reason why people mistakenly assume that father-daughter incest is more common and that between mother and son is rare.

    • I know I have also included consensual incest alongwith Incestuous Rape or Incestuous Sexual Abuse. That is just to make the information about incest complete, but my main focus is on Forced Incest, that is, Incestuous Rape, as it it is very pathetic and distressing. A girl may become pregnant out of a consensual relationship, and faces the wrath and contempt of society, hence in such cases, her partner himself helps her to get an abortion done.

      It is true, as you have said that Mother-Son incest also happens, but most often it is with a Stepmother or Fostermother, Though sex with one’s own mother too is not unheard of. Usually, it is consensual, but sometimes, it is also forced.

      However, the cases of Forced Incest among Father-daughter/Uncle-Niece/Cousin brother on cousin sister are sadder because even if the girls/women choose to hide it out of shame like boys,
      it often gets exposed due to the victim becoming pregnant and then receiving condemnation instead of sympathy and help from our male chauvinistic society.
      In the case of a boy, it is Emotionally rather than socially Traumatic, and distressing, as he can neither reveal it or complain, out of fear of ridicule by family and society, Nor bear it!

      In any case,

  4. I have consensual incest relation with my own mother, it did not result in pregnancy, may be because at a late age a lady’s fertility rate is very low. It was started by my mother who hated my girl friend and was hell bent upon preventing me from marrying her. Because of the new developed relation with my mother I abandoned my girl friend who any way turned out to be as described by my mother, ‘a bad girl.’ Now I married the girl selected by mother and I feel happy to obey her and making her happy, Now we have sex regularly whenever privacy simultaneously from both my father and my wife is available, as it has become a habit for both of us. In any case my mother is a very great lover and my wife does not show active-or energetic initiative in sex. In two years of marriage she showed initiative only once, whereas my mother has taught me innumerable things.

  5. While the post addresses a very critical issue of our society, some comments are surprising- wherein people have confessed that they had incestuous relation with their mothers.Don’t know under what situation a woman opts to get into a sexual relation with her son, or vice versa. However one thing is appearing as an alarming trend in the web. Among all kinds of erotic/sexual entertainment materials present in the web (the Indian material), incest is more common than any other topic and among incest mother son incest is highest. It seems the younger generation are somehow fascinated towards mother son incest. I don’t know whether in reality they harbour such fantasy in their mind, and whether Indian women are aware that their sons are hitting the net to read mother-son incest stories. Where are we heading?

    • Yes, Incest has become an unhealthy trend in society, including Indian society, over the years, and the more alarming part of it is the fascination people are developing towards the discussion and display of it on the web.
      Mother-son incest is fortunately very rare in India due to the cultural reverence for the mother, and the mother is generally an unwilling victim, unless she is a young step mother not satisfied with her much older husband. But father-daughter incest is quite common and is a sordid fact because of the devastating effect it has on the victim ‘s mind and life, and the spoiling of the abuser’s
      character and attitude towards females of all ages.
      It therefore threatens the fabric of trust between the children and their parents in the family, and hence has to be curbed strictly and soon for the security and mental health of the children, especially
      Daughters.

      • In reality I have not heard of any case of incest except bhabhi-devar and among cousins. Have read some incestuous rape by men upon daughters. However if we see the web, mother-son incest is flooding the erotic sites. And it appears such content are put by males only. Why Indian boys have developed such an interest for incest with mother? Are they getting sick? Or the modern mothers are arousing them too much? Does Indian society has a darker side where mother-son incest is slowly gaining ground? Are Indian women aware of this incestuous lust of their sons?

        In a comment above a man confessed that her mother got into a sexual relation with him to drive away his girl friend. I simply can not believe this.

        Much surprising thing is with modernity people are enjoying more sexual freedom, even in teen age. Then why this fantasy of incest, especially towards mother-son incest.

      • The Mother-son incest/fantasy of it is based upon a natural psychological complex called the Freudian or Oedipal complex, under which a boy unconsciously or subconsciously fantasises about killing his father and marrying his mother.
        Usually, with maturation of the body or mind, such fantasies wane away and the son develops attachment to some other, socially acceptable girl/woman. However, in some cases it lingers on upto adult age, when it becomes a problem.

  6. I don’t accept opedipus complex as an authentic theory. In that story when the man killed his father, he was not aware that he is is father., nor he killed his father to marry his mother. Plus many of the Freudian things are wrong and obsolete. If it is due to oedipus complex, then was mother-son incest (even fantasy) prevalent is older days too. I don’t think so. It is creeping into young minds since last few years through internet. However why boys are fascinated to it, is still a mystery. Indian women who have young sons need to be aware of this issue. Only they can do something before we become a incestuous society where mother and son sleep together.

  7. Your article on incest is well written and based on experience and research you had. Thank you mam for your thought provoking article

  8. yes a well written article indeed. ma’am i am sexually attracted to my own mother.there are times when i jst want to confess to her ,maybe seduce her. is there a solution to it? i would not do such a thing in reality bt the thin line between reality and fantasy is disturbing.

    • I think the most practical and immediate Solution is to (1)Move Away from her to a separate residence at the earliest, (2)Mix more among boys and girls of your age, (3) and then meet a Clinical Psychologist to help you understand and resolve your ‘mother-fixation/obsession and Oedipal Complex problem. By the way, I have a few Questions
      in mind:-
      (1)What is yours and your mother’s age? Is she good looking, smart and attractively dressed?(I guess that she must be attractive and assertive).br />
      (2)Are you emotionally very close to your mother?(Must be).
      (3)Are you a loner with few friends, esp. among girls? I don’t mean a ‘girl friend ‘ as such, but in general. Do you have a sister or brother?
      (I guess you are an only child.)
      (4)Is your father alive? If he is, how is your relationship with him?
      Is he away at work most of the time? Or an aloof type of person?
      (5)Is your family belonging to a fashionable type of society, or a
      traditional one?
      However, the Bottom line is to try to live away from you mother for some time, say by hiring a room, to relieve you of anxiety and guilt feelings. You can make an excuse of it being more convenient than commuting from home. Also make more friends among both boys and girls of your age, in your college if you are a student, or at your workplace, if employed.
      These things will help you turn your mind away from your mother to some extent. Of course, this is not to say that you should avoid your mother entirely. You can and should visit her regularly so that she doesn’t feel forsaken(but not Daily).

  9. I think mother son incest is only a fantasy and never occurs, I scanned through internet for Indians’ reports of personal experiences. Not the porn videos which are easy to be recognized as fakes; nor the the stories written in first person, they too are just fantasy and fakes. I actually scanned through text messages of safe or reputed sites. Only two reports seemed somewhat near to the truth. One is in yahoo answers where one 58 year old woman reported that she was raped by her young son but later changed her mind and cohabited with him. The other is in Ravikiran’s blog “three things on incest” where a woman argued it is good to have secrete mother-son relationship and she actually has it on her own initiative. The former report I rejected on closer examination as the ages of the woman and her son did not seem practically possible; the woman is too old to have a son of such an age (about 17 years). But the later seems possibly true. That is just one case after scanning a lot in the internet. I really would like to see such a case as I don’t believe that mother son incest is possible even if many men young and old fantasize it.

    • True. It IS Rare, at least in India, and probably in other countries too,
      for two reasons. The gross difference in age, and the general sanctity attached to the Mother in most societies, due to which an emotional barrier or inhibition on account of respect and a sense of sacredness exists between the mother and son, which prevents such fantasies from being acted out in reality!

  10. First know what is Islam and know about it, being ignorant dont mention Islam
    Incest is the worst sin in Islam. It is mentioned in Islam. Dont propagate wrong and false info

    • I have not written only about Islam, but many communities had the custom of Consanguinous marriage which is different in that it is socially decided and approved. That custom exists among almost all South Indians, including Hindus, so don’t take offence!

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